community status update: Reba

My interview was two days ago, so it's still a bit difficult for me to accurately assess the situation, but I'll try to highlight the important points now.

1. All of the apprentices are going to be in Roger's Park this year.  This means several things: the life of the church there is far more intimately tied to the community than is the case in Evanston, the ministry is vastly different, and I was not expecting this at all.  In the past, interns were only in Evanston, then later started being distributed between Evanston and Roger's Park.
2. The reasons that I wanted to be a part of their community and the reasons they think that interns want to be part of their community are quite different, so it makes sense that more apprentices would be interested in Roger's Park than Evanston.  I, however, am not one of those interns.
3. I will not be doing the apprenticeship, so I need to find housing and a job outside of it, and I have to tell them.  It's probably going to be a little awkward, but it must be done.  My instinct is to simply run away from the situation, but that's not mature or helpful and I'll just be kicking myself later.  I need to take care of this.
4. I'm leaving for Alaska in twelve days and thus have very little time to find a place and figure things out if I want somewhere to live in August.  If I wait to find something available for September, then I'd have a bit more time.
5. This whole thing is rather disappointing, so I'll stop writing about it now before I really start whining!  Everything is going to be okay, and I trust that God has some sort of plan in mind that prevents me from being able to go to Reba in this way.

Please pray for me.

bridal shower

I have a tendency to avoid potentially awkward situations, especially situations where I don't really know everyone.  I'm working on that, so in the spirit of branching out and NOT becoming my mother, I decided to go to the bridal shower that the women of All Saints' had yesterday for our beloved Claire.

I'm so glad I went.  I had the wonderful opportunity to hang out with a bunch of women from the church whom I have not yet gotten to know, and I think I made a few friends.  In addition, I was able to reconnect with some gals that I hadn't talked to in awhile, and I feel more a part of the church now than I have before.

The best part happened when I was leaving.  I was saying good-bye to Grace, one of our beloved elder women, and telling her how lovely it was to have sat next to her at the table.  She and I joked for awhile after that, and then she turned to me and said, "You know, Heather, I'm really glad you're a catechumen."
"Thanks!  Me, too."
Then she said, "It's like we're gettin' a new sister or something."
I replied, "That's exactly how I feel!  It's like I get to be part of this big family."
"Well, that's definitely how the Orthodox feel."

It was just so comforting.  I've expressed to several parishioners my terror at having decided to become a catechumen, and they've reassured me that that is quite normal and won't go away for a few years at least.  But Grace telling me all of that gave me such a peace about it, and now there is no question in my mind that this is where I need to be.  Now I have tons of new aunts, cousins, sisters, and brothers and uncles, too.  What a beautiful thing.

turtledom

Sometimes I wish I were a turtle.  I mean, I already behave like one half the time, so it would be mightily fitting for me to grow a shell to hide in.

Sometimes I wonder if this would not always be a bad thing.  I've been told that we shouldn't avoid our problems and hide away, but what if we need time to think things through or find a different perspective?

The balance between revealing too much and too little is so delicate, and I wonder if anyone is any good at it.  Even in the closest relationships it is possible to divulge too much, and even in the most distant relationships it is possible to divulge too little.

And once you've shared, what then?  What if you're waiting and waiting for someone to judge you based on the parts of the soul you've bared--parts that are sore and festering?  What if you know nothing about the people whose judgement you await?

Sometimes I wonder why God created us to be relational beings.  I believe that arguments and pain have a purpose, but I wish it just didn't have to be quite so trying, sometimes.

branching out

I'll be the first to admit that my involvement in communities has been limited to a select few that I chose based on their relationship to my interests.  I love God, so I spend most of my time in Christian communities and even work with the people in those communities.  I love music, and thus have spent far too much time around musicians.  I'd venture to say that most people live this way as it is natural for us to be attracted to folks who are similar in one way or another.  Well, my new job has certainly been an adventure in a new kind of community.

Through a friend at church, I got a job selling cheese at farmers' markets with lots of other folks from church--not promising, I know.  However, most of the folks from church actually work with my company's twin brother company and I don't see them much.  The company that I work for has been rather educational for me in my favorite kind of way--by testing what I think I know and what I think my opinions are.  I used to be really REALLY bad in those situations; instead of stating what I actually think about one thing or another or sharing my true interests, I tended to morph myself to seem to be more like whoever I happened to be talking to.  But not anymore!

There aren't a lot of stories so far since I've only done four markets at this point, but I can say that I've met freelance journalists, wrestling coaches, English teachers, single middle-aged atheist liberals, low-income folks, people living in housing projects, people who hate bleu cheese and those who love all cheese, and tons of people who have surprised me all day long.  I'm constantly out of my comfort zone.  I've never worked on commission, sold cheese, tasted such fine cheeses as I now sell, been the lone white girl on the south side, driven a GIANT van, or talked with so many interesting people.

Life is easier when we let ourselves be comfortable in our communities, of which I am entirely guilty. However, life would be far more interesting and we'd be better people if we branched out a bit.  I'll try to be better from now on--pray for me!

a new community

As far as communities in my life go, while I am trying to become involved in Reba Place community, I'm still waiting on that one.  More recently, however, I have become a catechumen in the Antiochian Orthodox Church, meaning that I have joined a group of people who are preparing to officially enter into the Holy Orthodox Catholic Church sometime in the next few months.  I'll probably be Orthodox either around Christmastime or before next Pascha.  Crazy!

a subtle move

I have noticed that our communities do not often mark special occasions as a group.  Individual families may and often do create traditions or continue very old rituals to make certain moments special, but there is so little ceremony in our lives.  Old tribal peoples have practiced and continue to practice ceremonies with their communities which mark special occasions such as rites of passage into adulthood and marriage, the birth of children, calling for healing of the sick, and many others.  


Well, North Park University has few of these rituals, but one that they do perform in style is the commencement of graduates from the fold of the university to the next place in their lives.  I was blessed to participate in commencement last weekend, and I've been reflecting on the effect that this experience has had on me, and what I can learn from it and can bring to my other communities.


As I stood with my professors in the gymnasium I thought about all of the good work we did together--sure, they assigned it, but so many of them confessed learning along with me the whole time and it didn't feel like it was just my work, but the work of all of us together.  I experienced this especially with certain professors and mentors, and it was with them that I felt the most connected on that day.


A very physical representation of our unity caught my attention rather more strongly than I had expected: regalia.  All of us were wearing academic robes, hoods, and caps, and I have never felt more included in a group.  I did not have nearly such a moving experience in graduating from high school (perhaps because I was not receiving a degree?), but I'm glad that I had it this time.  I have no doubt that all of us marching along in academic regalia that day are now equals as adults.  For some reason, this event felt to me like a ritual accepting me into the truly enlightened adult community, which is exactly where I want to be (most of the time).  I no longer feel quite so skittish about being around adults...any adults.  In fact, it finally feels weird to say that about others and to not include myself despite my being an "adult" for over four years now.


I don't want to draw any direct conclusions from this beyond the need for rites of passage and rituals and ceremonies to mark distinct moments in our lives.  It is part of our make-up as individual human beings and necessary for communities to function to acknowledge the beginnings, ends, and other pivotal events in an individual's and their communities' history.  Without history, after all, there is no future!